Well how's exams?
Tiring. Enough said.
Sleep deprived. The ability of me waking up at 3.30 in the morning amazes me including the ability of me actually being able to survive with only 3 hours of sleep. Yikes. As much as I like to sleep late, this "lack of sleep" issue must be settled soon, as in perhaps in another 3 weeks? It could've been 2 if we didn't have that gap and the amount of unnecessary holidays we have in this country. I want this to be over with fast, tsk.
Most of my friends have been asking me what I want to do after exams. Basically, I've already set my mind up to work. I just can't vision myself staying at home and going online all day when I could enjoy myself while making cash. I've decided to work at a book store hopefully somewhere in the city so I can just enjoy the working adrenaline rush while I'm at it. Feel how the rat race is. Thanks to various chick flicks, a book store might just be a place for me to occupy and distract myself until I get this heart/mind issue settled with. The further the workplace is located, I guess the better.
Besides plans to enroll myself in make-up classes *cause I suck at 'em*, settling my driver's license *which will insyaAllah take only a day* and basically the gym so I can make more use to this stick figure of mine; I'm all free I guess.
I think I need to get away from Bangi, at least until I settle some stuff. Though most of my friends have warned me to not pull off an "invisibility cloak" towards them in the very, very near future, I think it's best if I do so. As much as I'm thankful for being able to live 2011 -- well basically it's going to end soon anyway, I hate 2011. I hate everything about 2011. Being a person who tends to plan things, I've never, ever imagined my year to suck this bad. From hurt, to broken friendships to just immensity of just trying not to give a f*ck. Plus this tension of major exams and pressure of "where I'm going to lead off to next year".
I think my friends have gone tired with me keeping on complaining about "when I'm going to be happy" when I don't put the slightest effort towards being "happy" and I don't even know what this "happy" feels like any more and I'm just tired of watching my best-friend sigh and having to slap me on my face with the harshest things when I'm going to go back home and just stare at the blank wall and think about the past again. I'm too afraid to even talk about the past to them again just cause I know I'll disappoint them and with this stupid insecure and "keeping every single sh*t to myself" feeling that I have. I'm just going to hurt myself.
I know that the only constant thing is this world is change, yet sometimes ; don't you wish life was just a tape recorder so you can rewind to the past? Make it all better again?
I, for sure, would enjoy the the gratitude and opportunity of just repeating 2011 and repairing everything again -- for the sake of my own happiness. As selfish as it sounds, I would be the first person raising her hand up as a lab rat if some scientist came up with a time warp or black hole thing that could lead me back to live 2011 again.
Admit it, I was nothing but the worst in everything this year.
Though as constant as change is to this world, some mistakes were made to be learned and some mistakes would lead you off to better opportunities and as much as I enjoy typing fake motivational speeches here, I think it's about time for me to eat up my own medicine and swallow the truth. Instead of giving fake advices to my friends telling them not to lie about their feelings, I'm actually doing the same by acting as if I'm okay. No, everything's not going to be the way it is again. No, you can't change anything ; and no. He's not coming back to your life.
I seriously have issues. Oh bummer that Saturday's song is starting to resemble me now.
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