Fragile

— was a state, I was in.

Horrid winter nights, when the days became shorter and the dark pitch sky were clouded unlike summer nights. As I write this, I’m sitting on a red iron bench just trying to make sense of It all. Nights like these, my head is overcrowded with thoughts with simplest answers yet they float around like riddles. Should I stay, or should I go? 

 I bit my lip as I felt trapped. Here I am, back to where it all started. Here I am, feeling things which I promised myself, never ever to go through. Here I am, allowing someone to make me feel like I have something to lose, to save. The anger inside of me pulsated my veins as I gathered my gut to be strong, yet in head he seemed like a candle. The only flickering light I have to keep me from going insane. I lied, saying everything was okay when I knew truth was a privilege. I tried burning the evidence of how cold, and unkind when I needed you there, the most. How at a time I was feeling all ends of loneliness, you made me feel like I was impossible to deal with.

In the coldest winter, I long for a field of green and flowers as my cells, day by day, built themselves because you broke me that day.