Time, You're A Piece Of _

Last night, I was doing my normal 2AM routine of browsing articles online when I scrolled onto one which literally blew my mind. The title read, "20 Things 20-Year-Olds Don't Get", in bold. Each paragraph was a main point, followed by supportive arguments which made me realise that I am.. in fact.. in a brink of catching up lost time.

In the article, the author (Jason Nazar from Forbes.com) writes: 

Time is Not a Limitless Commodity – I so rarely find young professionals that have a heightened sense of urgency to get to the next level.  In our 20s we think we have all the time in the world to a) figure it out and b) get what we want. Time is the only treasure we start off with in abundance, and can never get back. Make the most of the opportunities you have today, because there will be a time when you have no more of it.

I was caught red handed, guilty as charged.

You see, I had the leverage of graduating earlier than my most of my peers. My degree ended in December last year and instead of spending the following post-nine months trying to build a better future, I spent binge it watching Netflix, playing with my cats and lazing my way around the house. Instead of using the opportunity as a head-start, I lengthened it into a non-paid vacation from life.

My excuses were simple: "I've never gotten a break after SPM (I continued my studies straight after my papers ended using my trials)", "I do have a plan - I'm continuing my studies again in September", "no one wants to employ someone for only 4-5 months". Petty and disappointing with a dash of regret - looking back, I wish I did something productive. I just felt.. sad. The amount of time you waste results to perhaps, hundreds or thousands of opportunities being let go just because you we're comfortable, thinking that there will be a "time" - when there is no more time, as time.. does not wait for you. I chose to not challenge myself and thus, I felt as if I was weak.

Sometimes, when I engage in conversations with my peers, we'd discuss plans for certain goals; whether it involves our career or even something scary like committing ourselves to the holy matrimony of marriage (yikes). It is too often that in the midst of our discussions, one of us would always spawn the annoying by saying; "kita muda lagi doh" / "we're still young". I beg to differ. In fact, there must be a reason why our previous linguists constructed sentences showing age to be "years old" instead of "years young". We are constantly, growing, exploring and learning. Age shouldn't be a barrier for progression. Being young shouldn't be used as an excuse to stay stagnant and be comfortable.

We see youngsters, starting start-ups in their late teens.
We see youngsters, being headhunted by big corporations for what they've achieved in college.
We see youngsters, selling ideas for millions to Generation X whom are always in the search for fresh meat.
We see youngsters starting revolutions.
We see youngsters being vocal about their rights.

They didn't waste time waiting till their mid-20's to start a career or to make a change. Excuses are invalid.

I may sound like I'm being too hard on myself but I hope in the future, I'll stop making excuses. I'll stop being lazy. I want to be the individual, thirsty for success and constantly eager to stand up and say, "hey, what's next?". I hope to wake up, grab a cup of coffee (even though I don't drink coffee) and work my butt off to chase after time instead of waiting for phases, or the "right" moment. I want to make a change. I want to be known for making a change.

Thickening The Air

One more month - (breathes) I'm hesitating.

Last Sunday I went to my pre-departure briefing and I was surrounded by eager faces, anxious parents and most of all - bright students, all about to bid adieu. Then there I was, half-heartedly standing there with my palms all sweaty. I was nervous, but as much as I've dreamt of this day to come - a major part of me suddenly felt like I didn't want to go.

Out of the blue, questions which I've never asked myself swept through my mind like a strong current. One by one, the International Officer presented her slides but all I thought about was "I want to go home", "maybe this just isn't for me", "exactly what am I doing?".

I hope I'm not the stupidest one there.
I hope I don't get homesick.
What if I do get homesick? I can't go back, its too expensive.
I hope the lecturers don't mind me asking stupid questions - I tend to do that a lot sometimes.
I hope things don't change at home.
I hope I won't be depressed.

I hope I don't screw things up. 

4.26 AM Thoughts

Source: @makaib 

I've been feeling like an emotional wreck lately and I can't seem to be putting my feelings into words. Pardon me, I do realize - I have issues. All these years, I've been trying to cope with dealing with my feelings. I admit, I'm not the best in that department, but I'm trying. I may seem bubbly on the outside but honestly, I'm a ticking time-bomb. Growing up, I learned to keep it all in. Whatever I felt at that moment of time was somehow temporary, and eventually I'd have to let it go somehow. But in the end, it gets trapped inside of me... a bubbling cauldron of emotions. Once I do explode, its inevitable for me to avoid it. You see, how badly I deal with my feelings has caused me to hurt the people around me. I've lost people around me. That's why its better for me to keep it all in. Let me be alone at times. I'll be fine, and I'm pretty sure I am fine.

Maybe it's because I've been tired of a lot of things. My mind has been all over the place lately.

If Only They Were Immortal

This Ramadan has been different than the previous for the family. Both my parents had recently resigned from their jobs. For years, I was accustomed to the "home alone" life. It took some time to get used to seeing my dad, physically, in the morning rather than occasional morning texts in the family Whatsapp group. Previously, most of our iftars were spent at restaurants - now, my mother cooks up a storm almost every single day. The "no food at home" excuse became invalid for random food escapisms since there was always something on the table.

A few days ago, my mum asked my dad to help buy a few things at the market. Since I needed to make a quick run to the store myself, I decided to accompany him. Once we reached the supermarket, as usual, I walked my own pace to the escalator. I looked behind and my dad was left, far behind. I waited for him to catch up, and once we got the next floor, again.. I walked my pace. I turned around, to see my dad - yet agin, being left far behind. Once he caught up, I asked him:

"Ayah, why are you walking so slow? Usually you're the one telling me to walk fast".
"Adik, I'm already old".

Then. At that moment. It hit me - hard.

My head started playing 1001 flashbacks of how I had been slowly observing my dad. How he would now complain of his backaches and shoulder sprains. How much white hair he had grown. The new wrinkle on the left side of his eye. The way he would sit on the brass garden chair overlooking the pond - just like how my late grandmother would sit on her lazy chair, overlooking the busy road in front of our kampung, once upon a time ago.

God knows how hard I held back my tears. I made rounds in the supermarket to act as if I was looking for something when deep down, I just wanted to hug my dad and cry.

If there was anything I could prevent in life, it would be to prevent my parents from getting old. They've poured blood, sweat and tears for me; giving me years of guidance, support and overwhelming, unconditional love. Where else can I find a place as comforting than in the hands of my parent's love? Nowhere.

It may be a bit early, but if there's anything this Ramadan has taught me, it would be to appreciate my parents more. I thank Him, always, for allowing me to wake up every morning, seeing my dad, on his brass garden chair and my mum, beside him reading the paper. I thank Him, for blessing me with a mother who has been adventurous in the kitchen cooking up a storm, and a father, whom without fail, will go to the bazaar almost every single day to get his daughter's favourite kuih talam.

I thank God for allowing me to spend yet another Ramadan with my parents, another Hari Raya with the both of them. Here's to hoping for more.

Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf, Zahir dan Batin.

My Skincare Routine! (For Now...)

Many of you have requested for a skincare routine video. Honestly, I would love to do one, however as for now, I don't think I have the proper set up to do so. Plus, I don't have the time to record and edit as I am now busy working. Thus, I've created this post to share the products I use to take care of my skin!

Disclaimer: no, I do not have perfect skin. My face is a bit dry at the moment, so I guess most of these products are suitable for reviving dry skin -- and of course, I am no beautician ok (!!) do consult one for better product recommendations and advice, thank youu.

1. R E M O V I N G  M A K E - U P

Honestly, the old, lazy Aisyah would just use Simple's Cleansing Facial Wipes to clear make-up off her face. However, facial wipes isn't enough! Using it alone can also cause acne, black and white heads (due to clogged pores) and wrinkles. So do buy a bottle of make up remover, people! The one I'm using is a gel, water-base remover from Silkygirl. It's soothing and cool, leaving a glitter glow once you've rinsed - so you're left feeling like a fairy. 

2. C L E A N S E

Use any facial wash/soap you're comfortable with. I've tried; Clinique (made my skin from oily to dry so I stopped, lol), Nivea (did nothing to my skin) and Himalaya (worth recommending). I start off with using Hada Labo's Hydrating Facial Cleanser, massage and rinse. Then I double cleanse with Estee Lauder's Crescent White Cleanser (my most favourite cleanser ever. Not only does a tiny drop give you so much foam but it also leaves your skin feeling so fresh and moist). Double cleansing helps to remove more trapped dirt and excess oil from your skin. It's also a more gentle way to remove make up.

3. S C R U B  A W A Y

I scrub my face at night three times a week. It helps to exfoliate my skin, getting rid of any dead skin which may clog my pores. The best scrub I've used so far is from St Ives! I'm using their Apricot Scrub for Fresh Skin. One tub can last you around two to three months - cheap and very, very effective.

4. T I M E  F O R  T O N E R 

I only use my toner once a day because it is advisable to lessen the usage if you have dry skin. I'm using Garnier's Light Milky Lightening Dew Toner. Using a toner helps to clear off any dead skin and shrink the appearance of pores. What I like most about the product I'm using is it has an additional function to help prep for step number four which is..

4. M O I S T U R I Z E 

.. to moisturize! Basically, step number four is the most crucial step when you have dry skin because moisturizers help to protect your skin and hold in any water to make skin moist and healthy. Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion is my holy grail product in this category. However, if you're looking for a cheaper alternative, I'd suggest Safi's White Trilogy Day Cream (which can also double as a night cream). This product saved me when I was having severe breakouts once upon a time ago.

T I P S

• Drink lots of water! I'm currently practicing a routine of drinking at least two to three litres of water every day. You may Google how much water your body needs in order to maintain healthy. The results are based on your weight. 
• I do wear serums occasionally. Serums help to quicken the process of skincare products you use. If you're willing to splurge, Oil of Life by Body Shop (around RM 199) is good. Cheaper alternative would be Garnier's Sakura White serum, though I don't use too much of it since it whitens my skin and I'm pretty happy with my current shade, lol.
• Make sure to check the expiry date of your make-up and skincare products! I usually replenish my skincare products every five to six months. Store them in room temperature and never under the hot sun.
• Give your skin a break. Don't wear make-up daily, and if so - limit the amount of product you pat on it. Try your best to minimise clogged pores which can lead to other facial skin tantrums.

Share some of your skincare tips and experiences under this post! Would love to hear how you girls (or even guys!) take care of your skin. Till then, x.