Write

A guest lecturer from a PR company came by today and she emphasised on the importance of writing - which totally made me realize, how I've neglected you dear blog. How are you?!

The reason why I started blogging back then was to have a platform for me to record; events, outfits (yes!) and routines and vent things which I went through while growing up. It's fun to read back old posts for the sake of reminiscing. This blog was never meant to be something serious, although I love how over the past years, I've been able to share my stories with you guys and having readers who interact and relate to what I'm going through, and helping me make decisions. For all that's been going on in this tiny little sharing space, thank you, for making me love blogging and allowing me to write, write and write.

I'm not much of a storyteller, but I've always enjoyed reading stories and making my own little collection of fiction pieces. My first grade teacher was Ms. Markowitz. She had curly brown hair, a thick New York accent and smelled like coffee every morning. Ms. Markowitz made me fall in love with writing. The class would do book reports, make our own books, and write our own little diary! She introduced me to one of my favourite fictional characters, Harriet the Spy, who loved writing her observations. Learning English in the States was different than in Malaysia where almost everything was exam based. Although we learned literature and did comprehension exercises, everyone around me was more keen in getting A's instead of truly understanding 'The Dead Crow' which I still memorise, by heart. Feeling restricted, I started this blog!

Being able to write freely made me feel like I had freedom to be curious, sit in my bubble of thoughts and evaluate them through my writings. One day, perhaps the 30 year-old version of me would be reading back all my "thoughts" and I'd compare my views of then and "now". I'd be able to see and evaluate change and improve myself. I'd be able to make better versions of myself through my writings, day by day.

I'm writing this post as a reminder to myself. If I ever feel like giving up writing, or I'm not good enough to be in an industry of writers and speakers to give myself a break and realise that I'm constantly growing. I'd take a few steps back, perhaps read this and be reminded of how I fell in love with the art and hopefully be back on my own two feet again - stronger and full of spirit to achieve whatever comes my way.

Good night!

Look at How The Stars Shine For You

If you don't know what Breacon Beacon is, its a national park about an hour away from Cardiff. I've always wanted to go there during the day, never would I ever imagined to go there when the weather was freezing and pitch black. So okay, here I was thinking that the spot Malo was about to bring us was a proper place. It seemed to be like a parking spot, so I felt like it was safe. That was when the roads became smaller, the hills became steeper and sooner you know it, barbed wires and wooden gates surrounded us. "Where on Earth are we?" "Hm, I don't know. Just following the coordinates". Luqman was driving, and clueless as he could ever be. Salah and Erina were having fights at the back over old music. We drove, and drove until we reached the gates of a farm. We decided to just park there and trespass our way up the fields. Bringing our blankets, packets of chips and a speaker - we laid down.. munching, talking about lifed. We did nothing but look at the stars, huddled up together since the weather was extremely cold. The stars watched as a bunch of kids talk about life, giggling every time they heard a goat or a cow make noise, or even the barking of a distant dog. We left around 4AM and reached back to Cardiff around 6AM.

I want to remember this night - and though my words may be all over the place, it was pretty indescribable to begin with.

Croeso I Caerdydd

Fourth day here in Cardiff and I finally have the time to just chill.

Honestly, I have a huge feeling that half of why I'm lethargic right now is caused by pre-departure stress and preparations. I had to go to Warta almost every single day since I kept forgetting to buy the simplest things; from Brahim and Maggi mee packets to shawl pins. I spent most of my last days in Malaysia with close friends and most importantly, my family and cats. I left till the last minute to properly organize and pack my luggage. I owe Ina many thank yous since she came about an hour before I was due to leave the airport. We repacked my luggage, rolling almost everything and stuffing packets of Milo and Brahim in any little space we could find.

As soon as I finished my supper on the flight, I immediately fell asleep and woke up above Belarus. Funny thing was, a few minutes after, I fell asleep, again, and I woke up in Rotterdam. I rarely sleep for long hours on flights since I'm a light sleeper but this one was a first. I think it was purely because I was so, so tired.

I reached Heathrow around 4.50 AM but I had to wait till 10 AM before I could board the bus to Cardiff. Once I reached my halls, settled my GP registration, I unpacked, took a shower and off I went to the post office to collect my BRP and the city to buy a few necessities; pillows, toiletries and decorations to make my room feel like home. By the time I was done, I was carrying a huge heavy bag which I gave up mid-walk and ended up taking a taxi back to halls instead. Since the only meal I had for the day was a salmon sandwich which Hatta kindly accompanied me to buy at Heathrow, by evening I was not only jet-lagged and exhausted, I was also hungry. Way too hungry, that on my first day I had already felt like complaining that I want rice. I want Wong Solo. I want to go home just to eat. Luckily, Nadz came over and brought me to a place called Zi's Cafe. We had rice, African chicken (which, by far is the bomb dot com, I can eat this forever here) and simple lettuce with oyster sauce. Immediately I felt like home - with my stomach full, I came back, took another shower and I was flat dead again.

That was my first day experience here. The rest of my days were filled with settling university and bank matters, exploring the city by myself - of course, with casual random trips in and out of Zara and Primark. The city is about 5-7 minutes walk from my halls. Halal meat and Tesco Express is right in front of my house, plus an abundance of Halal restaurants all in walking distance. I'm so happy I chose to stay here, everything is near and convenient.

On Friday night, I turned on my camera and apparently something was wrong with my lens. My mood obviously flipped since God knows how diligent I've been maintaining and caring for my camera. Again, thanks to Nadz, she accompanied me to the city on Saturday morning after a huge breakfast of pancakes and hash browns (by far, the best hash browns I've ever eaten). We went to Camera Centre at Morgan Avenue. Although it was costly, I was so happy to finally use my camera... too happy, that we went to Cardiff Bay right after so I could take pictures.

The people here are so nice and I love conversing with them. I come out of almost every taxi here with a new perspective, it's mind opening really. A nice Pakistani driver talked about equal rights and justice of men and women in Islam, a Somalian driver talked about the education in Malaysia and the UK. At the Camera Centre, Simon, who helped me with my camera talked about music and it's always a joy getting to know someone has a similar taste with you. Knowing what people think is something enjoyable to me, especially when it concerns current affairs and I'm simply in love with the environment.

My new, everyday view.

Anyway, I'm still a bit jet-lagged but my body's slowly adjusting. I'll end this post with a few pictures of this new city I call home. Let me know what else you'd like to know about my journey here! Till then, x.

It Ended Long Ago

Some things are just not worth explaining. Nor are they worth saving. Nor are they worth fighting for.

But I thank you, for growing with me. For the six years of memories; from sneaking out your dad's car just to accompany a constantly hungry girl her plate of Nasi Goreng USA, to the random beach trips we'd both have just for two plastic cups of coconut shakes. The sweaty football matches I'd be dragged to, and the constant whining you'd make whenever I tell you to come into Sephora with me. You grew with me - and that itself, is enough for me to appreciate you for a lifetime.

And whenever people ask, I'll just smile and say;
"Some things may need a little patience, a little time off - or perhaps, some things are not just meant to be". Thank you for letting me free. 

Time, You're A Piece Of _

Last night, I was doing my normal 2AM routine of browsing articles online when I scrolled onto one which literally blew my mind. The title read, "20 Things 20-Year-Olds Don't Get", in bold. Each paragraph was a main point, followed by supportive arguments which made me realise that I am.. in fact.. in a brink of catching up lost time.

In the article, the author (Jason Nazar from Forbes.com) writes: 

Time is Not a Limitless Commodity – I so rarely find young professionals that have a heightened sense of urgency to get to the next level.  In our 20s we think we have all the time in the world to a) figure it out and b) get what we want. Time is the only treasure we start off with in abundance, and can never get back. Make the most of the opportunities you have today, because there will be a time when you have no more of it.

I was caught red handed, guilty as charged.

You see, I had the leverage of graduating earlier than my most of my peers. My degree ended in December last year and instead of spending the following post-nine months trying to build a better future, I spent binge it watching Netflix, playing with my cats and lazing my way around the house. Instead of using the opportunity as a head-start, I lengthened it into a non-paid vacation from life.

My excuses were simple: "I've never gotten a break after SPM (I continued my studies straight after my papers ended using my trials)", "I do have a plan - I'm continuing my studies again in September", "no one wants to employ someone for only 4-5 months". Petty and disappointing with a dash of regret - looking back, I wish I did something productive. I just felt.. sad. The amount of time you waste results to perhaps, hundreds or thousands of opportunities being let go just because you we're comfortable, thinking that there will be a "time" - when there is no more time, as time.. does not wait for you. I chose to not challenge myself and thus, I felt as if I was weak.

Sometimes, when I engage in conversations with my peers, we'd discuss plans for certain goals; whether it involves our career or even something scary like committing ourselves to the holy matrimony of marriage (yikes). It is too often that in the midst of our discussions, one of us would always spawn the annoying by saying; "kita muda lagi doh" / "we're still young". I beg to differ. In fact, there must be a reason why our previous linguists constructed sentences showing age to be "years old" instead of "years young". We are constantly, growing, exploring and learning. Age shouldn't be a barrier for progression. Being young shouldn't be used as an excuse to stay stagnant and be comfortable.

We see youngsters, starting start-ups in their late teens.
We see youngsters, being headhunted by big corporations for what they've achieved in college.
We see youngsters, selling ideas for millions to Generation X whom are always in the search for fresh meat.
We see youngsters starting revolutions.
We see youngsters being vocal about their rights.

They didn't waste time waiting till their mid-20's to start a career or to make a change. Excuses are invalid.

I may sound like I'm being too hard on myself but I hope in the future, I'll stop making excuses. I'll stop being lazy. I want to be the individual, thirsty for success and constantly eager to stand up and say, "hey, what's next?". I hope to wake up, grab a cup of coffee (even though I don't drink coffee) and work my butt off to chase after time instead of waiting for phases, or the "right" moment. I want to make a change. I want to be known for making a change.