Just A "Lille" Birthday Treat

A few days before my birthday, Naqib invited me over to celebrate. Of course, I was a bit sceptical. One, he is never nice to me - all throughout our little Iceland trip, we were basically on a sarcasm war with each other, and two, I was not sure what to expect. The last time I had met Naqib at that time, things were pretty awkward that we didn't even bid proper goodbyes. 

After consulting Erina and Hud and their firm persuasion that it may be a "once in a lifetime" opportunity, I bought a bus ticket dated for a day after my birthday. I boarded a bus with Salah at 3AM to London and endured another 5 hours, alone, conquering two seats to Lille, France. 

We spent the first day chilling, eating tacos and watching some movie I can't remember. The next day he brought me around the city. From having French cuisine for lunch, surprising me with my one and only birthday cake for the year, a lovely tour of the Art Museum and ending the night by seeing the beautiful night lights Lille had to offer - he made sure that the 5 hours (+ 1 hour claustrophobic EuroTunnel experience) journey was worth it. 

A weekend art flea market which sold magazine cover artworks and books mostly in French.

The funny story behind this surprise was he spoke French to waiter telling him to bring the cake with a candle on top. The waiter, of course was dumbfounded that since I was there listening to the conversation the whole time that was until Naqib told him I had no idea what they were speaking in French, lol. 

Being an avid lover of cheesecakes - of course, I was estatically over the moon when this arrived with a cute pink candle on top. Hands down, best cheesecake I've ever tasted.

Christmas decorations were still prominently displayed around the city - even on the 7th of January.

  

We ate a lot that weekend - definitely a huge difference than the dry tuna or shredded chicken and mayo sandwiches we gobbled just for the sake of being full while in Iceland. I learned a lot of French history and how its architecture varied from North to South. He even made me walk in the cold, with my high heeled boots to see a unique church with no windows (he legit made me guess for five minutes what made the church unique until I realised.. "oh yeah, no windows"..). Probably a city worth visiting again and definitely an amazing way to celebrate my 23rd birthday.

To another year of thrilling wanderlust, random adventures (+ decisions) and a heck load of ups and downs along the way. I'm looking forward to see how this year is going to be like! (winks)

The Story of Angus

Iceland, was a series of events on its own - mostly unfortunate, but we managed to pull through, alhamdulillah. On the 26th of December, we checked out early in morning. The weather was again, about the detrimental but we were used to it. Sunrise was late in Iceland, so even at 8AM, the city was dead, pitch black. Only the lights of Christmas decorations brightened the roads - heck, even some of the street lamps were dead. Our ETA was in about 12 hours, from Fáskrúðsfjörður to Reykjavík and the slippery roads almost caused our car to skid off a cliff, but we managed to pull through seeing a scenic sunrise from the highway, surrounded by snowy mountains, lakes and eventually the sea.

About 3 hours in, that was when we met Angus.

Angus was a beauty of its own. Angus was a compilation of every terrain on Earth. Angus, was load as it crashed its waves on it black pebbled sand beach. Angus - was everything more than I imagined any beauty of Earth would be. The best part was, Angus was ours and only ours. There was not a single other human being at sight. As soon as we got out of the car, we ran on Angus's rocky mini-cliffs, we crossed its fresh mountain water river, and we caught sight to its frozen ice lake which reflected the surrounding mountains beautiful. I was speechless, and a part of me was left teary eyed. Erina, was bawling at its beauty. Even the boys, were astounded by the beauty of Angus.

That vivid feeling,

of what I want, what I need, what I deserve.

I am more than what I had limit myself to,

and in the brief moment of contentment - I let go.

I finally felt free.

A part of me felt like the Almighty opened the secret doors of Angus just for us - and I was, truly, deeply blessed. It was surreal, it was.. magical. I sat on its black sand terrain, and I began to reflect. How life was before Angus, and how much I've missed out on life - on how much, I've missed myself. 

I bid farewell, to you my old friend - 2016.

And I welcome you, 2017. 

With an open heart, with open arms. 

Talk Enough Sense, You'll Lose Your Mind

I guess I’ve lived with a heart full of love for years, having it empty feels a little bit weird. Even though I may come off bitter, its better to at least have an emotion than none. Eitherway, thankful for this bunch for being with me this week - feeling homesick, torn, and just lost in this city. 

 

Constantly reminding myself - I am strong and I needed this to be independent. Though we made a million plans to one day be here together, I hope you know that some things are for the best. 

A

Hey.

It's a little bit weird not having you around anymore. Did I tell you, I saw a cockroach while walking back from Tesco the other day? It reminded me of that time we went out for dinner and you legit left me in the middle of the road while you did those sprints of yours. I get it. You were a runner in school and I was the girl who barely cared - but leaving me in the middle of the road at that time? Erm, not cool. 

I think its been three months since I've been here. We haven't talked in about a month or so. I mean, I guess I still hope its you whenever my phone rings. But things just aren't the same anymore. Things can't be the same anymore. I know life sucks, it sucks for all of us. But I heard you're going to camps, and joining motivational talks - things I told you once upon a time ago to do, so I guess, parting aways did have its good affect on you. 

How can you shout at a girl, and curse at her but then claim you still love her though. I can't really brain that to be honest, and I can't imagine myself being with someone who continously does that. I mean, am I supposed to forgive and forget every time just to be reminded that I'm (lets put this in a mild term shall we?) pathetic the next week - nah. I don't see my future being that way. I don't think so.

Negative impacts aside, I guess what I wanted to type down was thank you. For the seven years of ups and downs, as much as you were someone I considered spending my life with once upon a time ago, you were, overall my best-friend. For seven years, you were my plus one (despite you being MIA for two years, but hey - I ditched our plan on that one, sorry). I guess I don't regret any of it. Of course it left me a bit paranoid and I'm still unsure whether or not I'll ever be open to serious relationships ever again, but I guess if I don't, you let me experience such a feeling - and I thank you for that.

See the thing about you and me is that once upon a time ago, we were compatible.

But I guess like seasons, time and age - we grow, we shed leaves, we grow leaves, we fall apart.

I wish nothing but the best for you.

A.

Write

A guest lecturer from a PR company came by today and she emphasised on the importance of writing - which totally made me realize, how I've neglected you dear blog. How are you?!

The reason why I started blogging back then was to have a platform for me to record; events, outfits (yes!) and routines and vent things which I went through while growing up. It's fun to read back old posts for the sake of reminiscing. This blog was never meant to be something serious, although I love how over the past years, I've been able to share my stories with you guys and having readers who interact and relate to what I'm going through, and helping me make decisions. For all that's been going on in this tiny little sharing space, thank you, for making me love blogging and allowing me to write, write and write.

I'm not much of a storyteller, but I've always enjoyed reading stories and making my own little collection of fiction pieces. My first grade teacher was Ms. Markowitz. She had curly brown hair, a thick New York accent and smelled like coffee every morning. Ms. Markowitz made me fall in love with writing. The class would do book reports, make our own books, and write our own little diary! She introduced me to one of my favourite fictional characters, Harriet the Spy, who loved writing her observations. Learning English in the States was different than in Malaysia where almost everything was exam based. Although we learned literature and did comprehension exercises, everyone around me was more keen in getting A's instead of truly understanding 'The Dead Crow' which I still memorise, by heart. Feeling restricted, I started this blog!

Being able to write freely made me feel like I had freedom to be curious, sit in my bubble of thoughts and evaluate them through my writings. One day, perhaps the 30 year-old version of me would be reading back all my "thoughts" and I'd compare my views of then and "now". I'd be able to see and evaluate change and improve myself. I'd be able to make better versions of myself through my writings, day by day.

I'm writing this post as a reminder to myself. If I ever feel like giving up writing, or I'm not good enough to be in an industry of writers and speakers to give myself a break and realise that I'm constantly growing. I'd take a few steps back, perhaps read this and be reminded of how I fell in love with the art and hopefully be back on my own two feet again - stronger and full of spirit to achieve whatever comes my way.

Good night!